Today, I finally decided. Enough waiting, enough thinking, enough hoping for something that’s never gonna happen. I should’ve done this months ago, but no, like an idiot, I waited. Waited for her call, her message, her words—SOMETHING. But nothing. Not even a single damn reply.
I woke up today and told myself, “No more wasting time.” So, I went to college with my friend Hima Kiran to get my study certificate and my 10th and Inter mark sheets scanned. Because yeah, if I’m gonna do this, I need everything ready. I collected all the documents, making sure there’s nothing left to stop me from moving forward.
At around 1 PM, I went to the abroad consultant to check my profile acceptance. And guess what? He looked at me and said, “You’re late for summer admissions.” HAHA, no shit, bro. I KNOW. But what was I supposed to do? I was waiting. Waiting for someone who doesn’t even care. But fine, whatever. He told me not to worry, explained the process again, and assured me I still had a chance for winter admissions.
After that, I went for lunch with Hima Kiran and then started back home around 3 PM. And on the way, everything started hitting me. The reality of it all. I calculated all my survival chances—what happens if I stay, what happens if I go. Everything was adding up in my head like some stupid math problem, and I needed a final confirmation.
Because even after all this time, I was still holding onto the tiniest bit of hope. So, as my last attempt, I sent her an emoji. JUST an emoji. Nothing else. She didn’t see it. But I KNOW she saw the notification. And she ignored it. Again.
Fine. One last shot. I called. Once. Twice. No answer.
She saw my call. I know she did. She just didn’t care. Probably thinking, “Why is he calling me again? Why won’t he just stop?” And you know what? You win. I’ll stop.
I’m done.
Now, I have no choice but to move on. It’s too late already, and I can’t afford to wait anymore. My consultant told me APS takes at least 60 days to process, and I NEED it before April 30. Which means, even if I apply today, I’m cutting it too close. So, I’ve decided. Tomorrow, I’m paying my consultant fee and applying for APS. No delays. No second thoughts. And ILETS? I have to register before March 20 if I want my scores before April 15. That’s my final deadline.
All these months, I was stupid enough to wait for her opinion, to let HER decide my future. But she never responded. She never cared. She never even wondered why I was calling this much. And now, I have to make my own choices. Alone.
No more calls. No more messages. No more waiting. She gets to live her life peacefully, and I… I get to finally let go. Maybe it was never meant to be, or maybe I just held on for too long. Either way, it’s time to move forward, even if it hurts. Even if a part of me still hopes she’d turn back, I know she won’t. And that’s okay.
remember, she was never yours to END with.