Yesterday
I finally decided to go to college after skipping for 11 days. IT lab attendance was my excuse, but honestly, I just needed hard disks. Called Nitheesh to ask about the bus timing—7 AM. I hurried, reached the stop, and then—fuck—I forgot my ID card. Ran back, grabbed it, somehow made it in time.
Got in, sat down, plugged in my earphones, and pressed play. Nothing.
Shit.
I left my iPod drained for 10 days. No charge. No AirPods either. Now I had no choice but to listen to people around me—some discussing exams, some talking about cricket, and some just laughing for no reason. I wanted to escape. I leaned back, tried to sleep, but my mind wouldn’t shut up.
And then… in the background, someone’s phone speaker.
A song.
Not just any song. That song.
The one I looped day and night after she left.
And suddenly, I wasn’t in 2022 anymore. I was back in 2014.
The Bus Ride to the Past
I could feel it. The moment. The memory.2014. January or March—I don’t even remember. What I do remember is missing my usual bus that day and taking the one she used to take. Mayura Sugars, a private company bus. She was there.
And in the background—playing faintly—was Sweety from Race Gurram.
It’s funny how a song can bring back a whole timeline. One second, I’m a college kid staring out the window, and the next, I’m a school kid again, sitting in that bus, stealing glances at her, living in that moment.
For a minute, I felt happy. Like I had traveled back in time.
Then reality punched me in the face.
I took out my phone, opened our chat. Dry, lifeless, just an old thread of meaningless messages. Checked her photo. Stared at it for a while.
Then locked my phone.
The bus reached college. The usual routine. Sat in class, zoned out, finished lab, came back home at 6 PM.
Wanted to call her. Didn’t. Something in me stopped me.
Slept early. Journey drained me.
Today
No labs. No important classes. But I went to college anyway.
Being alone in my room felt worse.
This time, I made sure my iPod was charged. Sat in the bus, plugged in, and played Dawn FM. Fucking mistake. It didn’t help. Just made me feel worse, like my whole life was some kind of joke.
First class started. I wasn’t paying attention. My brain was stuck in some old-ass playlist from 2014. I remembered how I used to drown in those songs after she left.
I couldn’t sit there anymore.
Got up. Walked out. Needed some air.
I wanted to go to the terrace, but the upstairs door was locked. Took another way up, found a quiet spot, sat down, and opened my Harshi playlist—just 11 songs.
I hit play.
And just like that, I was 10 years old again.
The happiness of having her. The pain of losing her. The emptiness that followed.
I thought those days were perfect with her. But she’s gone now.
And even though she’s just a call away, I can’t call her. I won’t.
I don’t know why.
I’m just stuck here.
Trying to move on.
But every damn thing keeps dragging me back.
Again and again.